Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
