so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
