I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
