remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Did I show you my penis last night?
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
