I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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