guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
