home. puking in laundry basket.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
