I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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