your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
