I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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