Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
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