i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
