I'm going to jail i love you
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
