So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I wear drunk well.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
