Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
barbara walters just said penis...
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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