"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
