I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
