god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
3 2 1 whiskey
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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