Don't make out with my wife yet
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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