yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Randomize
