nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
