We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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