he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I looked at my own cervix.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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