I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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