I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
