I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
