Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
