On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize
