oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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