I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
