New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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