I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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