So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
