i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
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