I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Randomize
