Kiss
Puke
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Randomize
