i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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