I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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