yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
