Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Randomize
