Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
