no, he came in my armpit
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
