So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
