Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
