She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
