He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
