why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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