It's like a parade of train wrecks.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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