when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
