Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
